Fairytale Farce

So for quite some time now I've been very disturbed. It's troubling, it's outrageous, and I will keep my silence no more! Has anyone actually thought about the children's story "Sleeping Beauty"? When you read it to your kids, are you not just flabbergasted and disgusted? First of all, the ancient animated version has long been banned from our house. The whole bad witch scene, and the blood gushing out of the wounded dragon...we just didn't feel that was quality entertainment for our toddlers, when they were toddlers. Animated version aside, I have a real problem with the story.

First of all, we have the whole arranged marriage issue. Does anyone really think about marrying their daughter off merely a few days after her birth? Poor kid.

Then we have this whole confusion of the good fairies' powers. If Merryweather had enough power to change Maleficent's curse, why could she not just take the curse away and be done with it?

For me the absolute most horrifying part of the story comes next - when the brilliant fairies come up with this ingenious plan to take the newborn baby away into the forest...and the parents actually agree! Now who in their right mind would agree to sending their beloved daughter away as an infant, receiving no news of her for sixteen years? And do we really want to read that scenario to our innocent little children ourselves? It's barbaric.

Once again these highly intelligent fairies prove their smarts by changing the baby's name. Um...are they not taking her away into a forest where she will see no one and speak to no one for quite some time? I hope conjuring up a therapist with their magic wands is in the plans for this girl's future.

Okay so then we have the whole section of the story where we see just what dorks these fairies are when they prepare a birthday party, and Briar Rose/Aurora/Sleeping Beauty oops just accidentally forgets she's not supposed to talk to strangers...the very first time she happens upon a stranger. Hm.

Now to the part of the story that just has me stumped. If Maleficent cursed the princess with death on her sixteenth birthday...who in their right mind, tell me where is the logic (as I shake my fist in the air!) of taking her back to civilization and danger on the very day the curse was to take place?!! This is insanity! It's outrageous! Not only that, but it occurs to them to leave the teenager alone "to rest" as soon as they reach the castle? And where are the parents who haven't seen their baby since birth? Would they not be waiting anxiously to see her as soon as she arrived?!

So you know what happens next - she pricks her finger, falls asleep, the quick-witted fairies put the whole kingdom to sleep (how did the prince escape slumber?), the prince kills the dragon, kisses the teenage girl he'd seen once before, everyone wakes up, and despite all the turmoil of the identity crisis, near death situation and still not being reunited with her parents, Aurora/Briar Rose/Sleeping Beauty can't help but to get up and randomly dance with a guy she had just met in the forest (but wasn't allowed to speak to, however kissing was encouraged).

There. Now I've finally voiced my outrage at this nightmarish princess tale. Pardon me while I go read Little Mermaid (aka The Story of the Disobedient Fully Developed Pre-teen Siren) to my girls before they go to bed...

P.S. This was only half-serious, and no, I am not a freak mom...but I am a million months pregnant, does that count?