Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Gift-giving encouragement
So my husband wasn't raised in much of a gift-giving or holiday-celebrating environment. Not because of religion, but for poverty. He's had to learn that cake, cards and gifts are to be had on birthdays, and much the same thing for other holidays like Christmas too. It's not quite all there yet, though, like my birthday of this year, for example. But we won't go there. Since we've been married I've gone from broken hearted tears to "here, honey, wrap this up and give it to me...". But I think finally this Christmas I've got it down! I cut out pictures of the things I'd like, under a certain budget, and have handed them over. So we shall see! Mind you, I'm putting selfishness and materialism aside. I do realize the wrong idea could be had here. Truly the underlying issue for me is the typical just wanting to feel loved and thought about thing. Now that we have the girls, I want them to learn the kindness and sensitivity that goes along with choosing a gift for someone too. And finally this year it seems Jose's gotten into it too, even giving me suggestions for what the girls and I could get him. Shocking! There is hope yet! :)
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8 comments:
as my mom always says, "It takes a long time to grow a good husband."
hope this year works out better for you. :)
Kari's wise mom also told me that no one else can teach your husband how to love you but YOU...i mean, obviously God teaches our husbands, but only the wife can say in what way she needs to be loved. can't expect our husbands to read our minds...which i forget half the time. :)
Yeah, that's why I thought I'd make it easier on the poor guy and many times in the past we'll just shop together for gifts. So I think this way (giving him cut-outs from ads) is a good way to help him do it on his own, but with help! We just come from very different cultures, families, backgrounds, etc...so a good compromise helps on both sides! What do your hubbies do?
Btw, I certainly hope to not be perceived as a materialistic, selfish whiney wife! I'm just speaking about very superficial things on a very superficial level. :)
girl, you don't seem at ALL materialistic! you sound like a woman who would like to be romanced by her husband. ...it's the thought that counts, right!?
Re: gifts... chris occaisionally surprises me, which is VERY romantic, b/c he's not the type. but he's had to be taught. & every year gets a little better.
our first valentine's day, we had a big fight, but ended up getting a hotel somewhere (long story). then he told me he would to leave for a minute, if i wanted a gift. he returned w/some roses that he got from the corner gas station... sigh!
he knows gifts are important...just doesn't usually put a lot of thought into them. maybe a couple days before, he'll ask me what i want, & half the time we'll go get it together.... And to be honest, that's usually okay with me, because i'm picky, and if i go with him, i know i'll like it. :)
conversely, chris would rather i didn't buy him gifts, b/c he's so picky. so when he wants something big, he just says, i'm going to go buy a... and i say,"great! that can be your christmas(or whatever) present!" makes me sad that it's not very special, but every time i've tried to surprise him, he's hated it.
all that said... i think guys in general are not as in-tune to gift-giving as women. it's not just your husband. :)
Oh good! What a huge relief! :) (No, I don't mean oh good for your troubles...just oh good somebody else can relate!) Sounds like our experiences our VERY similar! I dont mind so much anymore either about going together to shop for each other's presents. And for birthdays - hey, it's nice just to go out to eat as a family. It helps for us women to lower our expectations! I totally get what you're saying - especially Valentine's Day isn't really celebrated 'round here....! Oh well! We've got time yet, I suppose! :)
You guys are so great!! It's such a relief to find out i'm not the only one dealing with stuff like this :)
I came to leave a comment, and Kari's made me almost fall out of my chair. Kari's mom is right!
Hubby is not great with gifts, but I let it slide, because he's great with other things. Besides, in guilt, he usually spends more money on me than he should. The best year was when my friend called him and said, "Okay, I have her list, now what's your budget?" I have also gone into the jewelry store (or wherever) picked out a few things I liked and then walked out. Then it was still a sort of surprise what he would pick.
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