I have very sweet, usually obedient girls. Some of that I'm sure is due to sweet and mostly mild personalities. All of it is due to God's grace. And another part I would attribute to our attempts to obey God when it comes to discipline of children. Granted, I've made many mistakes and daily beg God to help me "do better." The book Shepherding a Child's Heart (Tripp) has been a big help, drawing my children to obey God as they obey their parents. It helps that they're both out of the toddler stage and communication is much easier! At any rate, a friend of mine has made some comments that imply she and others think I am too strict or that my standards are too high or that I spank too much. (This just comes up in conversation, and it's not accusatory.) Actually the spankings have been few and far between lately, I'd say in the past year. I feel like I am enjoying the harvest and reaping the rewards of about a good solid three years of hard work, laced with much, much grace of God. I don't mean to go all over the place with this topic. It really is a broad topic and lends to a wealth of discussion! My point is, what's the big deal? Is it such a high standard to expect obedience from my children? Mind you, I'm no army officer! :) I simply believe that I am told to teach them to obey, thus helping them stay within God's promise of a long life full of blessings. I worked hard, to the best of my ability (which again, isn't much, but for the grace of God) during those fun and challenging toddler years...and now we don't have those battles of the kids saying "no!" and "I don't want to!" and pretending not to hear me, etc. I went to a conference a while back where the guest speaker, a wise and experienced grandma, explained the importance of teaching obedience in the small stuff in the privacy of your home...when your child is on the edge of the street, how many times do you want to say "come here!"? If they already have the obedience thing and the coming here when you call them thing down pat at home, then you dont' have to worry about them running off in the parking lot or getting lost in a store or what have you. So that really hit home for me and helped me see the importance of obedience in all areas, even when it's just please pick up your toys. (Not to mention the many other aspects of it - like how we Christians prioritize God's commandments, making some more important than others, stressing that we should strictly follow certain ones, and then fudge on the other ones, or say well, I'm sure God won't mind if I do it another way...)
This has been hard to write and I keep going back and deleting and re-writing! :) I'm sure there are many Christians who are horrified at the strategy of spankings or whatnot. I'm hoping not to incite any hot arguing. :) Like most, I run from conflict with others and avoid it as much as possible! I'm just saying to myself, "self! It's okay to have high standards and expect my angels to obey! I'm told to do it and they are too! So what's the big hoopla!" I adore my girlies and am so thankful for them and am very sad they keep growing up - the one thing they keep doing when I ask them not to! :)
7 comments:
I'm with you. It's definitely the harder road, one which I've only barely begun with my 3-year-old, but even I am witnessing the changes in her as a result of patient, loving discipline over the past couple of years. Your girls are so sweet and beautiful. As we work to change the outside, God will change their hearts! What a privilege to serve him in this way.
yay you! way to be consistent. :) don't listend to the "too strict" people. you're working hard with your children now, while they're young, so you don't have to when they're older - with bigger problems & consequences for disrespect. :)
Yeah, it's hard. And hard to be in the higher-expectations minority. I don't get why some are surprised at well-behaved kids, either...? Shouldn't that be the norm? I agree, and I pray and hope (Kari)that the teen years and beyond will be just as fruitful and enjoyable.
wow, i like this topic and could write a lot. but i can't right now 'cause we have Eric's sister coming over and my house still isn't "company ready". so maybe more later. but ditto about what rebecca and kari said. :)
Good for you!! I know people that let their kids run wild and I don't see how they deal with the constant chaos. Honestly though, I think i'm pretty laid back and I have a very strong willed son, (not a good combination), but, as he's maturing, he's starting to understand. Don't get me wrong, he's a good kid, but he still loves to try to push the limits and get himself grounded. I think it's taken longer though because of how laid back I am. Ashlyn, on the other hand is the oppisite and all I need with her is a stern voice.
I will join the happy chorus of mom's who agree with you.
I am really please with Norah's progress these days--at bedtime she told me she was proud of herself because she hadn't had a spanking that day. And I realized, she hasn't needed a spanking since we got home from vacation! I generally reserve spanking for hurting sister and contradicting mom and dad, so no spankings is a very exciting accomlishment.
On the other hand, I am always surprised by calm children. Not necessarily just well behaved ones, but girls like yours who sit so nicely and play so quietly. (Though I know they are capable of some serious silliness too!) My girls seem to have a quota of jumps and hollers they have to get out during the day or they will explode. : )And similarly they seem to have a physical limit of sitting that they just can't exceed. They don't always skip straight to naughty but they have quite a time being still.: }
Ahh golly, who doesn't like to go on and on about their kids? Like you I just really want my children to know that they must obey their parents in the same way that Daniel and I must obey God. I hope that someday learning this obedience will make obeying God easier--as well as submitting to bosses and teachers.
(phew, I think I am done now.)
Traci
just have to say thank you for your post. it was just the encouragement i needed, yesterday, as my children were being very difficult. :) thanks!
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